Global issues vs. cake

Well, it certainly is nice to have a job again. After the Let’s do it-project finished, I was unemployed for a little while. I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t pretty. I lost all sense of purpose, spent my days in the local restaurant, drank so many cappuccinos and passion fruit shakes that they refused to serve me any more. I hit on all the waitresses and the chef, before they threw me out on the street. No, not really! I just spent more time on Facebook and watching Masterchef Australia, an excellent show. Appeals both to your heart and your palate, and I’m actually serious now, it’s a remarkable program. Got me through the rough patch.


While taking my morning shower the other day, I met a lizard. First I thought it was dead, then it started to crawl around in the water. I will admit that I was startled, I had to splash water on it with my foot to keep it from charging right at me. I though we had a deal, Mother Nature, no creepy animals before 9 a.m! I’m just not mentally ready before breakfast and a cup of coffee. And in the shower! Maybe it was cleaning up to go on a date with the cute lizard in my kitchen. Share a breadcrumb on the counter, have a romantic crawl up the fridge, enjoy the view?

Afterwards I sat at my local café, eating a piece of cake and thinking about the lizard encounter. I was sitting alone, and a conversation to my right caught my attention. Three white ladies were using big words and dramatic hand gestures, talking about social problems in rural Cambodia. “The poor thing”, they said, “of course that will mess you up”, “that is so heart breaking”, I just got bits and pieces of their conversation. “You know what the real problem is?”, one of them said in a pensive way. They looked up at her, and I paid attention. Yes, what is the real problem? “They just don’t fear God”, she said sadly. I watched the other ladies, wondering how they would respond. Laugh? Get upset? Poke her with a fork? “Yes, you’re right” they said, nodding thoughtfully.

“Wow”, I just had to think. There are four pink people in this room. Three of them are conjuring up ridiculous conclusions to world problems, over their after noon lattes. And the fourth one is too busy eating carrot cake and combatting tiny reptiles to deal with the real issues at hand. This isn’t helping, people! The folks in rural Cambodia have many problems, but fearing the man in the sky with the long beard is not one of them. (Growing a beard could be one of their concerns, at least for the guys. Not a lot of facial hair.)

Some people finds these big subjects so complex and difficult that they feel overwhelmed, they're not even sure how they should approach them or where they should start. Well I know exactly where: Global issues, global problems, it takes so long to say. I would like to launch two new terms for this, and I hope they will catch on: 

glissues

and

globroblems

Glo-bal-iss-ues is four syllables, while gliss-ues is only two. (Even one if you say it really quickly, GLISSUES! Make sure you don't spit.) That is 50 % more efficient than its predecessor. Globroblems sounds a bit like an ethnic group in a Harry Potter book, but that just gives the term some extra charm.

I will follow up on my efficiency thought there, and address the matter of speech in general. What if, during big meetings and conferences where development is being discussed, everyone spoke 50 % more quickly? We would have 50 % more time to discuss the glissues, and a 50 % increase of solutions to them. The topic of development would get a huge competitive advantage to snail speed subjects like business, sports, entertainment... Eat our dust, suckers!

One problem with this is of course that people from non-English speaking countries often speak English more slowly than others. So my question is: Do they really have to be there? Many countries have English as their first language, England, USA, Canada, Australia... And Singaporians speak great English, so Asia is covered! Maybe the lingually impaired countries can pay a foreigner to speak quickly for them? Rent-A-Brit. If they were short of cash, I'm sure the richer countries could lend them the money. Because poverty is globroblematic, and it concerns us all.

Well this is enough development work for one day, I'm exhausted. In stead I will tell you about something that happened to me. A couple of weeks ago, I discovered a very strange coincident. In my plastic jar of multivitamins, there was exactly as many vitamin pills left, as I had days left in Cambodia. What are the odds!? (Yes, I counted my multivitamins for fun. Don’t judge me, I was unemployed.) These little things in life…moments you will remember. I was sitting on my unmade bed in Phnom Penh, without a job and without a clear idea of what the future held for me. But I had a few dollars in my pocket, the exact number of multivitamins that I needed, and I was happy.

I snapped this sunset with my phone the other day. I will miss my street!